Parenting is hard. So is being married. When the two are put together you have potential for great joy and also great struggle. Marriage is one of the most amazing institution on earth because is allows two people with different desires and selfish wants the opportunity to grow in holiness, resulting in a lasting happiness unparalleled by any single event or experience. Despite this potential growth and transformation there are always barriers to growth and transformation. Some we can control and others are thrown at us when we least expect it. Children, although a blessing and typically a source of great joy and laughter, can sometimes act as a wedge in your relationship if you’re not careful.
When you met your spouse it was easy to give them all your focus and attention. They pursued you and you pursued them. Things seemed to be going well. For many couples a slow and gradual shift begins to occur when children are introduced to the family. This shift can be dangerous if not intentionally avoided and steps are not put in place to create boundaries around the changing relational/family dynamics.
At this point you might be thinking, “Kids are a blessing from God, not a curse or ‘problem’ so what are you talking about here?” If this is your thinking, then you are 100% correct in saying children are a gift from God (Psalm 127:3). What we want to look at is not the value of children in a relationship but rather one of the subtle shifts a couple can experience that had profound negative effects on their current and future relationship.
Husbands do not like to fight their children for their wives attention. They married their wife because they wanted to spend life together, pursuing each other, loving each other, and growing together.
Children are a blessing from God. They are an inheritance from Him. Women naturally focus their attention, energy, and passion on their children. The struggle can be, unconsciously placing their husband on the back burner while they raise children and take care of the home. When a husband senses this he will either fight for her attention- can cause issues with the children because he’ll minimize their importance in order to increase his own, or he will give up and pursue work, friends, hobbies, etc… in order to feel valued and pursued.
What kind of wife are you? What kind of husband are you? Who is getting your best?